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Jeff



Part 1

Space is symmetric. Things move in a straight line unless pushed. An asteroid in empty space flies towards earth and there passes by a trillionth of a second around 5:55 pm in which the asteroid’s trajectory is aimed at Jeff and would hit Jeff were the earth and Jeff to stand still. The earth rotated and the solar system moved and Jeff moved along his path between the HFAC art building and the MOAB art museum.

6 pm is an art class. Jeff is in class, and it is an art class. The class has an assignment to walk to the university’s art gallery and sketch paintings on display.

Jeff and his classmates are in the gallery for an hour. There is a pile of rugs on display. Ryan, a computer engineering major, asks Jeff, "what are you studying?"

Jeff says, “Right now I’m studying art.”

“Okay."

Ryan looks away but doesn’t move anywhere. He is unsure if art is Jeff’s major or if he is making a smart comment.

Back in the classroom the teacher requests the students display their sketches.

Jeff only has one sketch, it is of a lady in a Victorian dress holding a child’s hand. It is his turn to present.

The teacher says, “What’s the title of this piece?”

Jeff looks at her.

“I sketched that one also” says a girl in the class. “It looks like you drew her a lot bigger.”

The teacher compares to the thinner lady drawn by the girl.

“Is there a reason why you drew her wider Jeff?”

“I like” Jeff says, “I like big women.”

The teacher, Jeff, and the girl all die and decompose 46, 70, and 67 years later, respectively. Humans go extinct. The planetary orbits in the solar system are perturbed by a rouge black hole, and the earth flies off into empty space. Energy and mass dissipate. Gravitational forces are too small to do anything interesting. Everything sits like this for a very long time.

Part 2

The BIC-Salon is the most used mechanical pencil in America. Plastic clips are connected to the pencil’s clear plastic casing surrounding the black barrel with a relatively weak sealant. They come in assorted colors. They sell at a roughly constant demand which allows the company to manufacture at a constant rate and the management does not invest in advertising. A green clip sits pinched between Jeff’s molars. He slides the clip in between his canine teeth. He wiggles his top and lower canine teeth while clenching his jaw. Pop! The saliva-coated green clip snaps off and bounces 0.96 meters backwards. It lays still on the carpet. It glistens. Jeff’s classmate Sarah looks at it.

8 pm is a math class. Jeff is in class, it is a mathematical proofs class. The teacher is a tall giraffe-like looking women. She is thirty-nine years old and has her PhD in mathematics. Jeff thinks her personality is beautiful. She is writing negation definitions on the chalk board with light pink chalk.

Ethan shouts, “How do wee know NOT ‘a equals b’ is ‘a does not equal b’?”

The result in question had just been written on the board:

~(A=B)↔A≠B

Or in other words, the negation of A equals B, is: A is not equal to B.

Jackson, a nebbish Jew with a deep voice and three Band-Aids on his face shouts angrily at Ethan. “Do you really need her to prove that?” His voice is extremely, extremely deep.

Ethan speaks with confidence, “Well, she told us not to twust hewr!!”

The teacher stops moving her piece of chalk and stares at the black board.

Ethan says, “Well we shouldn’t bwelieve everything she says. That would be a blunder, a.k.a., a vewy warge mistake.”

The class continues for twenty more minutes. Ethan makes less smart-alec comments.

Jackson, Ethan, and Jeff all die and decompose 76, 31, and 70 years later, respectively. Humans go extinct. The planetary orbits in the solar system are perturbed by a rouge black hole, and the earth flies off into empty space. Energy and mass dissipate. Gravitational forces are too small to do anything interesting. Everything sits like this for a very long time.

Part 3

11 am is a dingleberry in basketball shorts. It’s a stingy feeling.

Sometimes Jeff feels like an unhappy robot. Sometime Jeff feels like a dust speck floating through a video game, but except he has complete control of his direction. And at other times, Jeff feels like he is an integral of his environment, with his genome at birth as the initial conditions, then what is the y-axis. Today was one of those days. He walked home from school. A kid very close to Jeff, but walking in the opposite direction jumped onto a cement ledge and walked by him like he was supposed to be higher than me, with a motion that was too quick and he had a strong impulse to push him off. The phrase, ‘busch league monkey business’ rang between his ears for the next 3 hours.